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how do I explain this one ?

April 19, 2009

I was making my way home from work jamming & singing out loud to *slow ride * by Fog hat when the phone rang……after that little incident involving walking and chewing bubble gum I no longer try multitasking , so I pulled into a local car dealership  and killed the engine so I could answer the call from the wife .

they lurked in the shadows waiting to pounce , each wanting me for their very own ….”yes honey I’ll stop…. oh , no problem” says I . Their hearts were  pounding , waiting for me to make my move..hoping I would end up being easy prey.  ” OK…..sure , any thing else ? ” I ask.

 I had been surrounded , but was none the wiser . They had become more desperate with each passing day …soon they would they all die off if they didn’t catch a break soon . they needed someone …..anyone  and I was in their sights !

” OK babe , wait until I get home then we can talk” …seeing that I wasn’t getting out of the car they each decided too make their move..from all directions they rushed my vehicle ……….”Sir , sir ….have you seen the new 09′  blah De blah ?!!” screeches the sales man at my door..I immediately reached over and locked the door as another started pounding on the passenger side window….”Sir , you can’t get  better mileage than this”  he bellowed  as he desperately pointed to a car off in the distance.

“what’s going on ” ? ask the wife as she could sense the fear in my voice and heard the commotion in the back ground ” honey !..I…. I gotta go !! ” I stammered .

“are you being robbed ?   what…………” I hung up as the biggest one  and probably the office Dip wad…. ( based on the amount of balloons tangled around his neck )  jumped on the hood  while trying to unravel a brochure of the newest hot rod ,  in my rear view mirror I saw the entire service department running my way pushing  jacks and rolling new tires …one yelling out their 21 point inspection plan .

In a panic I started my car………….*SLOW RIDE………….TAKE IT EASY .. blared from my speakers……they all stopped and for a moment they looked at one another confused  ….. It was at this point I should have floored it , but instead I watched as they started bumping and grinding around my car  while stripping off their clothing ………* I’M IN THE MOOD …………… WE CAN ROLL ALL NIGHT ! *

I desperately search my wallet for 1’s and 5’s , any thing to hold them at bay……..nothing !   *HOLD ME, ROLL ME , SLOW RIDEN’ WOMAN ‘ YOUR SO FINE* I was trapped with no way out ..no way too escape with my life………….so  I ended up buying the hot rod.( from the office Dip wad of coarse…..:)

As I head home ( looking totally cool by the way )  I have to ask …..how am  going to explain this to my wife…..* SLOW RIDE, TAKE IT EASY …….. SLOW RIDE… TAKE IT EASY………………WOO ! *……..~dave

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